This post comes fresh off the tips of the infamous "syllabus week," and the adjustment period. Yesterday, late at night, I found myself in a stuffy dorm room with some girlfriends, applying face masks and listening to Drake's Nothing Was The Name.
As any stereotypical "girls' talk" happens, we got to the topic of boys and relationships. A topic, that I found little to no interest in. Throughout my life, I have definitely experienced the pendulum swing of boy-crazy to slightly asexual. In the middle of our conversation, my friend asked, "Sade, do you want a relationship?" I quickly retorted with a firm "no," citing academic goals and disinterest in the male population of my university. As I reflect over this question in the middle of the club (read
: my school's library), I wonder what the exact reason why I do not pursue romantic endeavors. There definitely is a background to my reasoning. A background that is far too complicated to either explain in one blog post or expose through the internets. Let's just say that I've had not the best experiences with boys and male figures. I will say
that I have grown from that immature and closed point in my life, where I detested the male specimen as much as a group of angry divorcées. But at the point in my life right now, I find myself working on the foundation of my career and exploring my academic life as I have come to know it. Frankly, I am sure that I have time to pursue a relationship, however, I don't see myself jumping at the chance to engage in such conversations. Sure, I will head to downtown D.C. with the girls and dance the night away, but texting, entertaining thirst traps, I'm not sure if I'm up for it. I find it exhausting to invest in things that have little to no return factor. I'm not the one to waste my time with random hookups or "talking." But I will say this: I love love.
I love that rush and the spring of butterflies when you see the person. I love looking forward to just being with someone just to be with them. There is no need for conversation, just to each others' presence is more than enough. I believe in the organic nature of two people coming together, not the forced or desperate nature of it.
I think that @theladywithquestions
stated it best:
The bottom line is that you need to give yourself the respect you deserve and understand the person you’re trying to share a real commitment with. He can’t be a manifestation of some fantasy you read in a fairy tale; he’s a real person with numerous flaws.
Frankly, I love everything about this quote. My view on things: If it's happens, it will happen. But until then, I'll appreciate genuine love from the background and focus on myself.
Kennedy Center Performance (I forgot to post these photos!)
Labels: college, college life, college relationships, love, relationships, time
Finding the Good in 'Goodbye'. It's such an interesting concept isn't it?
For me personally. It took a long time for me to really accept that sometimes, certain people leaving your life would only lead to the better. For the longest time I always hated good-byes because it meant the ending of relationships, and looking back at the memories wondering what happened. It almost always felt like an oxymoron- good bye. But at what point do we begin to look at these departures as well wishes instead of scornful leaves? Still to this day, there are some 'goodbyes' that lay heavy on my heart. Albeit some people are just better apart than together, sometimes people take time apart and come together for the dual good. And I've grown to realize that some people don't really "change", they just grow. And growth has never been a bad thing. It's just that some people well, grow apart too.
Labels: friends, growing apart, life, relationships, too